By Kayla Hernandez
As someone who was always super prepared, I began looking into college majors during my sophomore year of high school. I did extensive research on multiple disciplines and ended up coming across public relations and advertising. I immediately knew I was destined to work in the industry, as nothing in my search had ever jumped out to me as much. Something about the chaos must have pulled me in. I realized that I had never even thought about the work that went behind the commercials we saw on tv, the billboards we passed each day on the highway or the ads in magazines at the doctor’s office. After researching how I could make my new dream come to fruition, I decided that the University of Texas at Austin would be the best school for me to attend. They had a public relations/advertising program and it just made sense. I knew from that moment on that I was going to do everything in my power to attend school there.
Every time someone asked what I wanted to do after high school and I responded with,”Major in PR or advertising,” I was met with a confused face as they asked, “What exactly does that mean? And what will you be doing?” See, where I come from, there’s a very limited number of careers that are seen as important enough to push onto students. The list typically includes being a nurse, teacher, engineer, doctor, or working for some sort of law enforcement agency. We were very rarely encouraged to explore careers we hadn’t heard about. Working in advertising was only something that happened in the movies. My mother was a bank teller and my father had worked his way up from an unskilled laborer to a construction superintendent.
Nevertheless, I stuck to my goals. I felt so alone in the years leading up to college and even during my time in college. Nobody back home understood my excitement for a major that they had little to no information on. People never quite understood what exactly I’d be doing. I tried explaining multiple times, but all people ever understood was that I was going to either one, write press releases or two, create the ads they saw on TV. Eventually, I gave up on correcting people and just let them think whatever they wanted to. It’s so exhausting explaining your dreams to people who just don’t get it.
College was the experience of a lifetime for me. Neither of my parents got the opportunity to attend and I was actually the first to attend college on my dad’s side of the family and the second on my mom’s side. I felt so blessed to have everyone’s support, but also very lonely. I didn’t have anyone to help me through the application process, through the financial aid process or even someone who could tell me that I too was going to get through it as they had. And there was certainly no one to advise me on how I could break into the industry.
It was hard, but I knew the feeling of accomplishing my dream was going to be worth it. Shortly after I started college, I began to deal with my fair share of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is defined as a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments, accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success.
I was working my ass off in all my classes and found myself actually excelling in a few! I added on a minor and was accepted into two study abroad programs. And even then, I still felt that I didn’t belong. I looked around and rarely saw someone of color. There was a very limited number of people who understood my struggle, as many of my peers simply did not have to deal with this experience. I was constantly surrounded by white people and while I never felt uncomfortable, I always questioned who let me in the school and if I was as smart as them. I mean how could I not feel that way when in a room of twenty, there were only two of us with brown skin?
At the time of my high school graduation, UT only automatically accepted the top 7% and I was one person away from reaching that. I was gutted. I remember crying to my mom and saying, “I can’t believe I might have to actually go to A&M instead!” The only option I had at that point was to be hand selected through holistic review. I only had my college essays and SAT scores to prove that I was a viable applicant. I knew how slim my chances were and honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to achieve my dream. I was about a week away from signing for a dorm at A&M (my backup school) when I got an email that I was admitted into UT. I remember seeing my acceptance notification on my phone during my last period in school as I sneaked it behind my backpack so I wouldn’t get in trouble. As soon as the bell rang, I called my mom and cried on the phone with her. Our dreams were going to come true!
I had to remind myself of that moment countless times while at UT. That someone on that admissions board read my essays, saw my grades and knew that I would be a great fit.
After sophomore year, we had the opportunity to apply for the media specific track within the advertising school. I absolutely loved media at that point and knew right away I wanted to apply. However, this started to change when students who were currently in the track came to talk about it in our class. No one looked like me. I doubted my ability to even get in the program; a feeling that sadly, was also felt by the other minorities in that class.
I remember going back and forth during the two weeks we had to apply. I knew it was a great opportunity, but I didn’t want to be let down if I wasn’t accepted. I knew that if I wasn’t accepted it was just going to cement the idea that I didn’t belong in that space.
It was the last day to apply and with just an hour left to submit an application, I said to myself, “You can’t live your life with any what ifs. You have to apply. You know this is a great opportunity.” I ran to get my resume printed across the street and quickly recorded myself explaining why I wanted to join the program. I submitted my materials and waited.
One month later I got the email saying I was accepted. Out of over one hundred plus applicants, only thirty three of us were chosen. I felt so happy and validated. And for one of the first times in college, I felt that I was truly good enough.
And even still, I often had trouble believing I was worthy of being a part of the cohort. I always joked with my friend Alex, another Hispanic student in class who now works at Mediahub as well, that we had “scammed” our way in. It was hard for us to accept that we were just as qualified as the others in our group, despite our team winning the national account in our class competition. I’m lying if I say those classes were easy. Without a doubt they were the hardest in my degree track, but I learned so much from them. I truly believe that track helped my chances of landing a job at Mediahub tenfold. And looking back now, I can’t believe I almost cheated myself out of that opportunity all because I felt that I wasn’t good enough.
Next thing I knew, two years had passed, and I’m dressed in my cap and gown about 30 people away from getting on a stage and graduating. I was happy and amazed I had made it that far. I looked up and saw my family in the seats excitedly waving at me. Balloons and cheers filled the auditorium. And then I started asking myself, “How did I get here? Was it all luck? Could it be possible that I did just scam my way here? Surely every obstacle I tackled wasn’t that hard.” But once again I had to pull myself together, just as I had done many times before and realize that it wasn’t luck. And that I was there because I worked my ass off.
Could you imagine working tirelessly and finally achieving what’s supposed to be one of your greatest accomplishments and then feeling like you maybe didn’t deserve it?!
Graduation left as quickly as it came. I wrapped up a summer internship and then the time came to finally apply for my first big girl job. Ever since I had learned about agency life in college, I knew I wanted to experience it to the fullest. For me that meant moving to THE advertising mecca of the world: New York City. I had only visited New York once, for a few hours. I had no family in the state, let alone the city. Of course, this always concerned everyone when I shared my future plans with them. “Aren’t you scared? What if something happens to you? Aren’t the apartments really small? What about the rats?!” I heard it all. Of course I was scared, but I knew I couldn’t let fear get in the way of my dreams!
I applied for what seemed like every open Assistant Media Planner position in New York, with the one at Mediahub being the very first application I completed. Mediahub was always one of my top choices since I had learned about it in college, but I always doubted if I would be good enough to work there. I shamelessly stalked employees on LinkedIn and looked at their path to working there. Did I really stand a chance at landing a job there?
The days feel like weeks and the weeks feel like months when you’re applying for jobs. Two weeks had passed since applying to Mediahub and I still hadn’t heard anything. I checked the website again and no longer saw the position I had applied for in New York. I was so devastated, but found myself clicking on the LA jobs tab. They were still looking for an Assistant Media Planner and had a slew of other positions open. I said screw it, I’m going to apply for every single position that looks interesting. I was derailing from my plan, but I figured working for the company in any role would be amazing. So much so, that I even applied to be a recruiter!
I had a handful of interviews and even offers at other agencies, but my heart was never fully in it. On one hand, I felt like I should just accept whatever and have a job, but on the other hand I also felt that I had put in enough work to accept an offer at a place where I’d love the work, people and agency.
It was another day of sitting at my laptop and applying for jobs when I got an email from Carly Landgrave, a recruiter for Mediahub in LA. I immediately replied and we hopped on the phone not long after. “I saw you applied for the recruiter position in LA, but I took a look at your resume and it looks like you’d be a better fit for the Assistant Media Planner position,” she shared. I then began to explain what had led me to apply for all the positions in LA. She laughed a little and shared that an AMP position in New York actually was open, but that it just hadn’t been listed yet.
I ended up interviewing with Joy, who handled hiring for the NY office, a week later and then with my future team not long after. The last time I had wanted something that bad was when I applied to UT and the Texas Media & Analytics track. I thought the interviews went extremely well but remembered feeling so nervous after. Were my answers good enough? Was I good enough?
A few days later I was offered the job.
In just a week and a half I found an apartment online, signed a lease (virtually), and packed up my belongings. I booked a one-way ticket to New York and left with only my carry on, backpack and two checked bags. A few days later I got to start my dream job, in my dream city on my birthday!
Imposter syndrome sucks. You think you’ve tackled it then it creeps up on you again out of the blue. I’ll be emailing vendors, completing billing or working on a deck when I randomly stop and start to wonder if I belong at Mediahub. “Everyone seems so much smarter. Was it just luck that I got picked? Maybe they desperately needed someone and no one else had applied.” The feeling never leaves you. The only thing I can do is get better at reminding myself how I got here and that I do belong.
Sometimes I find myself staring out the subway window as I make my way home from work. I stare at the lights of Manhattan and can’t help but feel an immense amount of appreciation for everyone and everything in my life that leads me to that moment every single evening. I think of my dad who used to get home from work each day covered in dust and sweat after a long day of working out in the sun. And I think of my mom who would give me any extra money she made, so that I could focus on college and not have to have a job every semester. And I think of Carly who thoroughly did her job, saw my resume and helped push me in the right direction.
I used to dream about living in NY when I was younger and how I’d get to work at an agency just like the characters in movies. I am living my wildest dreams because of sheer grit, persistence and hard work. And no one can take that away from me.
I found this career without the help of anyone. I endured criticism from those who didn’t understand why I’d venture into something completely new. I was able to show UT that I deserved a seat at their table. I worked my butt off to get into Texas Media & Analytics and you bet I deserved that degree! And I deserve to be at Mediahub.
